Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
