when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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