I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
