Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
