I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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