Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
