dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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