i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
