I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
