I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
