I showed him my bush... on skype.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
