vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
