Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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