therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
