Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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