Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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