I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
