I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
