why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
