i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
