What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
