im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
