see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
