It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
