oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
