he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
