This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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