just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
