just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
