yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize