plz talk dirty to me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if only i could text you this smell
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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