So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
