The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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