I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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