Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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