I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He is an equal opportunity slut.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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