She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
