So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
