There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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