i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
