i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
