he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
