I feel great
I just peed on a car
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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