This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
