i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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