Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
