She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
