Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
