He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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