I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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