that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
