Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
