...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
