matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
