I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
