Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
