It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize