I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
