you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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