oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think my fart just growled at me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
