go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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