Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
