I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she told me i tasted like america
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
