you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
