I think my vagina is haunted
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
please come you make the beer taste better
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
