I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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