She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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