Duck Duck Cougar?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
