Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
